There's a lot of times when my son comes home and asks if he can go out and play "manhunt". Apparently manhunt is a cooler term than hide and seek, because when he describes what manhunt is, it's plain old hide and seek.
Now, me, I like to see the kid get out and get some fresh air, get a little rosy glow in the cheeks, get some exercise. My wife is a touch overprotective and usually declines him. She's always worried about predators and all the bad things that can happen to kids these days. I don't disagree with her, but I'm usually of the mind that they gotta learn their way in this world somehow, getting out to experience it is a good first step.
Besides, it's hide and seek. I mean, really, what the hell can go wrong. Am I right?
So, tonight, he asked again. One of his friend's was at the door. How could I say no? It was only for an hour or so.
I was just leaving to teach a course when he was coming in, but I had to say I was pleased to see that rosy glow in his cheeks. He grabbed a glass of water and took a couple of mouthfuls and spit. No biggie, probably caught some bad taste in his mouth.
He casually mentioned that one of his friends had found a can of bear mace in the bushes where he'd been hiding. "Hmph!" I said. I didn't know there was such a thing.
And with that, I left for my course.
Ten minutes later, I was getting a call from my wife. Was I aware that they had found a can of bear mace? Yes I was. Was I aware that one of the kids had actually sprayed some of it? No, but I figured that curiousity would demand that one of them would have to give it a go. Was I aware that my son had been downwind and caught a face full of it?
What?
Apparently, he did. His first reaction, and I must say, likely a smart one, was to grab a couple of handfuls of snow and rub his face. And likely the -6 degree air helped a lot too.
So, really, it wasn't until he came home and was in the warm air that it started to hit him. Then it sunk its teeth in and really bit down hard. His face and neck were burning. My wife didn't want to do much until she checked...who knows...maybe water made it worse.
She checked online and found some pretty horribly written stuff. "Bear mace is twenty times more lethal than regular mace." Twenty times more lethal? So...it can kill you twenty times worse?
And since when was mace lethal? It's a freakin' repellant!
Okay, so I'm thinking they were going for "powerful" instead of "lethal" but still...panic inducing for an already fairy freaked mother.
In the end, after a call to poison control, he was to get into a shower for twenty minutes (ended up doing this twice), and he's gone to bed feeling okay.
But now, here's some things I'm left with...
- Apparently, you cannot buy regular mace in Canada. It's illegal. However, you can very easily buy bear mace, a compound that's twenty times more powerful (or lethal, depending on your vocabulary). One of the things that make you go, "hmmm!"
- How in the hell does bear mace get left in a public park? Who's the asshole I have to pummel for that one?
- What kind of morons does my son hang out with exactly, when they're actually emptying the entire featherpluckin' can!!!??? Sure, give it a squirt if you gotta, but to spray out the whole thing? Brilliant.
- And finally, be careful what you wish for. My son went to bed with rosy cheeks. Not exactly what I wished for. I'll be much more specific next time.
And now, all I've got is the tune of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" going through my head...
Shot in the face
And Kyle's to blame
You shot my face
With bear mace!
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