2010 - 06
"I'm losin' babe, what more can I tell ya?"
Elliott Murphy
Is it wrong to have a strong desire to beat someone to a pulp just because they're an idiot?
If it is...well then I'm wrong. Really wrong. In fact, to slightly butcher the Luther Ingram song...If beating you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
Where is all this negativity coming from, you ask?
I think somewhere along the line, someone declared it National Cut-Tobin-Off-As-He's-Driving Week. I swear, I've been cut off by more drivers more times this last week than in the last six months. And that's a lot.
I don't get it. You need to qualify to get a driver's license. I know, my daughter's in the process right now. She knows the rules of the road better than me and The Wife combined. But still, it seems like the standard 80/20 rule applies. 80% of drivers are okay, behave themselves and don't piss me off.
But then there's that fringe 20% who seem to wake up with an agenda to irk me as much as possible.
I work for a mobile phone company. So I know what it's like to be in demand and expected to be reachable anywhere. That's why I have a Bluetooth handsfree speaker in both my cars and two Bluetooth headsets as well. I downloaded a free application for my Blackberry that will automatically read any new emails or texts that come in.
So when I'm in my car, I'm handsfree. It's the law, and I respect that. It makes sense.
So, why then, did I see someone driving eratically (by this, I mean slowing and speeding up, cutting across lanes, almost sideswiping cars, etc) in downtown Oshawa a week or so ago? And guess what sign she had in her back window? "Baby on Board"...yep that ubiquitous sign that signals that, no matter how careful you normally drive, you should be taking extra care right now due to the young'un.
I ended up beside the woman in the car at the next red light. Then I saw what she was doing. Get this: driving with her child in the carseat (yes, there really was a baby on board), while also talking on the cellphone wedged between ear and shoulder while simultaneously scratching a lottery ticket!!!!!!
I shudder to think what would have happened should she have won.
But seriously, what series of unfortunate events needs to occur to cause the rational part of her mind to consider that paying most of her attention to a lottery ticket is the smartest thing to do. Let's say that's 60% of her attention. Then, as her multitasking skills desperately try to keep up, let's say another 25% is on the conversation she is having. Her lips were moving, so it wasn't one of those "...uh-huh...uh-huh..." conversations. She was involved. So now, that leaves around 15% attention to operate a two-ton moving vehicle, obey the rules of the road, survey her immediate surroundings for possible danger points, monitor her speed and direction and ultimately navigate to her desired location...all while keeping the baby on board safe.
Idiot.
An idiot in need of a beating.
This morning, as the ambulance's lights flashed in my rearview and the siren wailed, I pulled off to the far right lane and slowed to stop. The stupid ass behind me (and therefore that much closer to the flashing and wailing) thought this would be a good time to pass me while getting the bonus of blocking the lifesaving emergency vehicle at the same time. Then, abruptly, she changed her mind and cut into my lane without warning, cutting me off. Then the ambulance passed us both. She immediately scooted back out to the lane again, only to realize the accident was just ahead and blocking the lanes. The cop was very clearly pointing to her then stretching his arm out to indicate "turn left, turn left". I was in the far right lane preparing to drop off my daughter at work, then turn left, turn left. What does the idiot ambulance blocking dipshit do? You guessed it. Cut right and cut me off a second time.
Then waved at me.
And they wonder why humans kill other humans.
Either I need a roof-mounted howitzer with hands-free controls and unlimited ordinance, or I need to stop driving.
Idiots.
No comments:
Post a Comment